Overcome the stigma of herpes
The stigma associated with herpes is so great that a newly diagnosed person may feel that their life is over or that no one will ever love them again. They may blame their partner. They may even sink into severe depression or contemplate suicide.
People who contract STIs are often viewed as immoral and believed to have broken the unspoken social rules that govern sexual activity. This shaming leaves those living with STIs to suffer in silence.
The stigma reflects sex shaming that is deeply rooted in American culture. Sex and STI shaming are pervasive in health classes, perpetuated in the doctor’s office, and furthered by friends and family. Sex and slut shaming are tools used to attack and control the behavior of individuals who fail to conform to societal norms about sexuality.
Herpes is mostly harmless and very common. It's not curable, but it is controllable. While some providers do encourage herpes screenings, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists advise herpes tests only for symptomatic patients or those with a partner known to have the virus. It's the stigma surrounding herpes — that it is gross and worthy of ridicule and happens to bad people — that's malignant.
The harsh stigma of genital herpes grossly misrepresents herpes itself
There are two sides to the genital herpes coin. On one side is the fact that herpes is not a big deal from a physical perspective (for most it’s simply the occasional discomfort for a few days). But shouting “no big deal” from the rooftops might spread herpes more, so the other side to the coin is exaggerating the stigma to keep everyone else herpes-free. Basically, the stigma serves to terrify the non-herpes population sufficiently to avoid it, but intensifies the outcast feeling for those who have it. Can’t we simply say something like “Everyone, try not to get herpes, but if you do, then it’s simple to live with”? This brings the conversation down to the level where it should be.
But really all this stuff doesn’t matter. What it really comes down to is how you interpret it.So with this in mind, how do you talk to yourself about herpes? Which side do you fall on? The side that tells you that it’s easily manageable or the side that intensifies your own pain and suffering? That choice is huge. But it’s ultimately yours to make. Which perspective serves you in your life? If you start relating to herpes from the point of view that it’s not life-altering, then — surprise! — it won’t be.
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The Social Consequences
Many experts estimate that the psychological consequences of a herpes diagnosis are more damaging than the physical consequences. The stigma surrounding herpes is severe enough to shame people into staying quiet about their diagnoses—an obvious problem if we want to stop the spread.
Herpes stigma is bad for individual mental health since it is linked to increased stress, depression, and other negative emotional consequences.
Herpes stigma is bad for physical health since stress increases the likelihood of recurrent outbreaks.
Herpes stigma is also bad for society. It may even increase the rates of transmission in the population. After all, concerns about stigma and rejection are a major reason why people don't disclose herpes infections to their partners.
Know how common is it. You are not the only one.
Herpes' stigma feeds on lack of knowledge. If people were aware of how common herpes is, how large a percentage of the population are infected with HSV-1 and HSV-2, the stigma associated with herpes would probably be a lot less.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates 15.5 percent of people ages 14 to 49 in the U.S. have HSV-2 infections. More than half of people in the same age range had herpes simplex virus type 1, most commonly associated with cold sores. But more people are being diagnosed with HSV-1 on their genitals. However, few people openly discuss their status because it is so highly stigmatized.
Statistically speaking, pretty much everyone knows someone who has herpes, but not many talk about it. A big reason is the stigma herpes carries. Society portrays people with a sexually transmitted infection as dirty and promiscuous. It's a lot harder to see a disease as dirty when it affects so many of the people you love. It's a lot harder to see yourself as dirty when you know you are very far from alone.
Having herpes doesn't consign a person to a life of celibacy, and many herpes-positive people go on to have active sex lives without transmitting the virus to others. Disclosure is key when starting a sexual relationship with someone. Condoms lower the risk of transmission, but don't eliminate it.
Accepting herpes diagnosis
Once you have confirmed herpes virus by conducting a few tests, the fact will not change. If the tests reveal that you are herpes positive living in denial will not change your health status but rather complicates it. Embracing the truth will give you easy time on focusing on the next positive step to take.
Having herpes is just a medical condition. It is controllable. Many people are getting on with their usual activities though they have the disease. You can choose to be like them.
Share your feeling with a friend
After accepting your condition, then move ahead and find someone who shares your fate. You can exchange notes on how you feel and how to cope with the infection. However, it should be someone who you can confide in. It may take a while before you get the courage of sharing your condition. It’s perfectly normal.
If you can’t find a nearby friend, then meet some people with herpes.There are some online herpes communities which are very helpful. You will meet people with different experiences that will teach you a trick or two on how to live with herpes. Venting out your feelings could be a lot easier through the internet.
Positive Singles: The #1 site to meet other people with herpes
PositiveSingles is one of the most popular dating websites for people suffering from herpes and other STD. It was initiated in 2001. With 1,510,800+ members you are sure to find lots of potentail people around you.
Dig into facts about herpes outbreak
When you have the infection, the more you understand about it the fewer things will perplex you. Dig into facts about the herpes stages and treatment options. That will help you prepare mentally for what lies ahead. For example, you will be better placed then to deal with the frequent outbreaks. That will put you on alert for the genital herpes symptoms and begin suppressive medication early enough.
Do not let herpes define you
Herpes does not change all the good and wonderful things that make you ‘you’. It has nothing to do with your intelligence, social habits, or bank account. You are a loving, sexual, whole individual and no-one else on the planet has the things that you have to offer – remember this. This skin condition does not make the essence of you any less beautiful.
If you act like it’s not a big deal, it’s not.
Having herpes isn’t something most people broadcast, but you will find that the more you own it, the better people respond. You may not start every conversation with, “Hi, I have herpes. Nice weather today!” Still, if it comes up, You can treat it like any other topic. When you treat it like a normal thing that normal people talk about, it suddenly becomes—you guessed it isnormal.
Now that you know you have genital herpes, you're out of the dating game, right? Absolutely not. There's no reason to stop looking for love and fun. Genital herpes doesn't detract from your many desirable qualities, which have drawn people to you in the past and will continue to make you a great catch.
Never lose hope, stay optimistic
To get the herpes stigma behind you, it all begins in your mind. You’ve got to believe that you can. If all you can project for your future is a total darkness and helplessness, then you will never recover from that mental condition.
Be thankful that you are still alive and don’t picture yourself in the worst case scenario with the disease. Although you can’t completely eradicate the virus from your body, you can cut down on its frequency and duration of attacks.
Overcoming the herpes depression begins with accepting your status. After which you have to forgive yourself and others. Staying positively minded will elevate you to greater heights of recovery. Finally, you can get assistance from support groups, counselors, and therapists. But it all begins with believing that you can overcome your situation. Did I say that learning about the infection and what to expect during the outbreaks helps too?
Positive Singles: The #1 dating site to meet other people with herpes
PositiveSingles is one of the most popular dating websites for people suffering from herpes and other STD. It was initiated in 2001. With 1,510,800+ members you are sure to find lots of potentail people around you.
Sucss story: HSV II - KILL THE STIGMA
I was recently diagnosed with HSV II, around 6 months ago. Being around other people with herpes has been a great support, so I thought why not start sharing my own. It would be great to connect with people in a similar position, as sometimes we can feel as if we are dealing with this on our own (despite 1 in 6 people having Herpes). To me, Herpes isn’t worth half of the fuss it causes, but as we all know the stigma still exists. And the stigma deserves to be challenged.
One of the most surprising things to me is how little people actually know about Herpes, and I’d be lying if I said I was fully educated about this virus before encountering it myself.
But the reality is, Herpes is virtually nothing from a medical standpoint. Essentially, it is the same as cold sores only in a ‘worse’ place. I think it’s extremely important to emphasise this, because what real baring to cold sores have on our lives? If someone had cold sores orally, would anyone judge their character based on this? And if not, why should genital herpes be any different?
The answer is, it shouldn’t be different. Also, the common misconception that you have to be a certain “type” of person to get Herpes is nonsense. If you have ever had sex with someone, you are at risk of Herpes. So, hold your head high and do not let something so insignificant define or limit you.
Sucss story: Talk bout it more openly and realize how ridiculous
I noticed the stigma right away. Wherever I went, it felt like I had a dirty secret, and not in the fun, flirty way. Whenever a guy at a bar smiled at me, all I could think about was how I had this thing that made me “unf*ckable.” I knew herpes was bad because we were all so afraid of getting it, and I’d heard plenty of jokes about how herpes is disgusting, for whores, ruins your life forever, etc. And as someone who has spent a lot of her life battling slut-shaming, it felt like my karmic punishment.
I felt ashamed, gross, and unsexy. But the thing is, this was all stigma’s fault, not herpes’. Herpes is a benign skin condition. It poses little to no health risk, and it barely shows up physically. It’s very common, and yet we talk about it as if it’s this awful disease that only the unlucky and the unwanted get stuck with. Call me radical, but I think that’s f*cking stupid.
So many of us are living with herpes, but we aren’t talking about it. A lot of us don’t want to because we’re embarrassed. I was at a Post Office recently where an employee made a herpes joke, and part of me wanted to yell, “Oh yeah, well I have herpes, so FUCK OFF,” but instead I just pretended to laugh along. That sh*t needs to change.
We need to stop talking about herpes in a way that stigmatizes the many people who have it. And I completely understand that people may not want to contract herpes, but I can tell you having it has certainly not been the end of the world for me. I just wish we would talk about it more openly and realize how NBD it is, so the emotional impact of having herpes would be as minimal as the physical one.
Doctors aren’t testing people without symptoms because they don’t want people to have to deal with the stigma, but pretending that herpes isn’t so common and not addressing how simple it is to deal with makes that stigma so much worse for those of us who have had symptoms.
Have herpes & feel alone? Meet nearby people with herpes
PositiveSingles is one of the most popular dating websites for people suffering from herpes and other STD. It was initiated in 2001. With 1,510,800+ members you are sure to find lots of potentail people around you.
Join and meet nearby people with herpes, browse profiles and chat now!
Know more facts about living and dating with herpes:
- How to have a fulfilling sex life with herpes
- What is your chance of spreading herpes?
- Fear transmission? Try herpes dating sites
- How to handle dating when you have herpes
- How to tell your partner you have herpes
- Overcome the stigma of herpes
- Herpes and getting pregnant: How to protect your baby
- Herpes and HIV
- Do condoms prevent herpes? How likely is it to get herpes with a condom?